It's like God shit irony all over that family
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
