I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
