I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
