We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
