Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
