I just saw a hot homeless man
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
