i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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