Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
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The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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