Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
