im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
you made out with another girl for some wings
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
