Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
