I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
