who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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