we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
