party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards