Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?