Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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