Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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