So drunk its hurt
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
