best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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