How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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