i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
