would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
