What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
