What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
