Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
