and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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