i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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