Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
