is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
