i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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