you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I currently don't understand fingers.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
