im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
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Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
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I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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