i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
