We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
