Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
