ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
