I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize