fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
