got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
