so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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