Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
