I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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