I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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