So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
