i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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