Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
