My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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