Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
