ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
