I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
