I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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