ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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