I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
