A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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