Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
