Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize