I cannot find my penis.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
