Your face is a jimmy john
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
