so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I lost the right to judge tonight
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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