Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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