I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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