Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
