I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
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