ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
