just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
